Am I "Sybi"l? And is that bad?

Remember "Herman's Head" the Fox Sitcom where all the inner voices in the protagonist's subconscious were portrayed by a clever ensemble of personality types? In classic Fox tradition, it (at least in my opinion) was a cleverly fresh idea, well executed and nearly instantly killed because the masses 'didn't get it'.
My point is, I think recently there has been a "management shakeup" going on between my own ears. The "me" I presented to the world for almost my entire life - from the moment as a small child that I learned through trial and error the behavior and mannerisms (or lack of) that wouldn't get me beaten, taunted & tortured by the other kids - is starting to atrophy. The guy the world saw kept quiet, stayed out of things. He wasn't aloof. Just someone who kept to himself. It's not as if anyone desired his company, so it was mutually acceptable to the world & the individual. Since he had no self-respect for the facade the world accepted, he let it get go to hell from lack of care and maintenance.
There were other aspects to this person's personality, including one at least as strong and capable of dominance as the one that the world saw. She had self-respect, passion - for life & the people encountered on the journey. She had sit passively in the back corner. Patiently biding her time. Occasionally disapproving the behavior of "the guy" but seldom getting involved. The "guy" for his part, tried to not be a hypocrite or to deny her place in his soul. However lack of a lying rebuke is far from a loving embrace. Eventually it was clear to both that a change in priorities was in order. A management shakeup if you will. He would withdraw to the far corner, while she ascended to manage things.
It's a big difference in management style. She's outgoing and engaged. She smiles. She genuinely likes people and actually engages in amiable banter with total strangers - supermarket cashiers, bank tellers, traffic cops... she even walks up to befuddled tourists & offers to help - and they gladly accept! She should have taken over long ago. No use whining about missed opportunities. She's making the most of each moment. Overhauling & rehabing the long neglected domicile - eating better, exercising, practicing preventative maintenance (routine Dr visits vs frantic ER visits).
It's a long overdue change. Well, big "C" change made up of countless little "c" changes. The changes are still subtle and mostly internal. The only manifestation is that even though the world may still see the "guy"... the shell is dissolving. What's underneath is Her. It may take the world a long time to notice, but from the inside looking out, the change is apparent, more than welcome, and long, long, LONG overdue.
So. Am I "Sybil"? Is that a bad thing? And was using the third person confusing or disturbing? Frankly, it's all just me. It's always just been facets of the same stone. It just seemed that using the third person was an effective way to articulate it clearly.

It's the little things that matter

I can swallow again! It's kind of funny how many insanely simple things we take for granted... like breathing without an inhaler, and swallowing. I think I brought this on myself. When my voice started to come back, it was about 1/3 octave in a register I never had, even as a guy. It's the "rumble of hell" voice from all those horror movies. Well, it was more expressive than the sound of a slow air leak - which is what I had before - so I tried to "limber up" my vocal chords by doing the sort of exercises singers do to warm up. Big, big, BIG mistake. Not only did my voice "suede up" during the day, but by the next morning I again couldn't talk AND now was so sore, just the act of swallowing saliva was like eating a handful of jacks. I may be slow to get a point, but eventually things usually sink in. I've been totally silent - except for the few things I HAD to do @ work. And since hearing the sounds I make seems to be as painful as actually making them, I got cut a lot of slack at work.
Now that I can swallow again, it's time to get reacquainted with my old friend coffee. Then lets see how far I can get through the day without saying a word. Since talking is the worst thing for me, it's all I can think about right now. At least I can still sigh. And that can be the most expressive sound of all. :)

Curse you, Big Pharma!

I recently ... well, actually it was well over a month ago, had a bout with what I thought was a flu-like thing... only when the fever broke, the rest of the symptoms just lingered. For weeks. I finally went to see my Dr about it. After the XRays showed no signs of pneumonia, she wrote out reams of RX for a shopping bag full of drugs. My pharmacist was so pleased he gave me this complimentary gift pack filled with skincare products. (You don't think he was trying to tell me something, do you? ...Ssshh, neurotic voice!). Back on topic. I've been popping the antibiotics & huffing the prescription inhalers, and while I no longer sound like Darth Vader when I breathe, my uvula feels like it's the size of a cucumber, and I can barely talk or swallow. When I finally looked up my insanely expensive prescription inhalers online, the first side effect listed was "horseness"! I need my voice for my work. This is not good. Right now my sound ranges from wind in the trees to a rattling metal door on an old shed. I am not happy. Some other interesting side effects - insomnia (not quite true - I get about 2 hours a night), and elevated Blood Pressure - which when I read that & checked at the supermarket was 160/110. =o Fortunately my arteries must be made of kevlar, because I haven't popped one yet. ...Yet. ;)
Which gets me to my second topic - meditation & self hypnosis. My BP was always a bit high. It runs in both sides of my family. Previous doctors have handed me shopping bags - seriously - big Macy's like shopping bags with little cardboard handles... FILLED with "samples" of blood pressure pills. Now I'm not anti-drug. It's just never my first resort. I asked one doctor if losing some weight and regular exercise - walks & bikerides - would help. He said, "yeah that would probably work too". I finally found an awesome MD who has ...a broader perspective... when she found my BP was high, she suggested walks and deftly mentioned altering my diet ...suggesting low fat foods ...but never directly mentioning dropping weight :) She also suggested using relaxation techniques to lower my BP. She let me try a biofeedback machine in her office & my BP dropped about 15 points in 10 minutes. That's when I started to dabble in the meditation/self-hypnosis stuff. It all seems like "directed focus" ...distractions are squelched & the attention lasers in on a particular thing... breathing, heartrate, whatever. It seems to me that the only difference between meditation and (self) hypnosis is that hypnosis uses the focused state as a means to a goal, where with meditation the state is it's own point.
My point - finally. Still huffing the meds until the prescription runs out in 8 more days. Learning to "zone" thru meditation/self-hypnosis I have my BP down to 130/80. And once (I pray) the voice comes back, my stress level should be waay down & I won't have to work so hard - in an intensely relaxed way - to keep my BP down to normal human levels.
OMG - sorry to be so verbose. I think because I can't speak in my day to day (at least without scaring children and inadvertantly summoning demons) it's kind of pouring out here like a burst dam....(n) Oh well. It's out there. I'm not taking any of it back. I promise to be more succinct - and I hope interesting - in the future.
I can't believe you're still reading this :)

'sup world?

This blog is called Quid Pro Quo because it's all about reciprocity. I doubt I have much to say that's of interest to anyone else. Still, I've been reading the blogposts of a number of fascinating (imo) folks, and feel that by just being a taker... not putting anything out there for others to take or leave, would be greedy & lazy.
Maybe when I get comfortable, I'll spill my guts for future employers, insurance companies & romantic prospects to eventually discover and hold against me. :)
I'll post a shadow bio when I've applied enough polish that I don't come off like a total (insert your own slang put-down here). Until then, this initial post is just my way of saying "Hello world" (tap. tap. feedback.) "Is this thing ON?"