Remember "Herman's Head" the Fox Sitcom where all the inner voices in the protagonist's subconscious were portrayed by a clever ensemble of personality types? In classic Fox tradition, it (at least in my opinion) was a cleverly fresh idea, well executed and nearly instantly killed because the masses 'didn't get it'.
My point is, I think recently there has been a "management shakeup" going on between my own ears. The "me" I presented to the world for almost my entire life - from the moment as a small child that I learned through trial and error the behavior and mannerisms (or lack of) that wouldn't get me beaten, taunted & tortured by the other kids - is starting to atrophy. The guy the world saw kept quiet, stayed out of things. He wasn't aloof. Just someone who kept to himself. It's not as if anyone desired his company, so it was mutually acceptable to the world & the individual. Since he had no self-respect for the facade the world accepted, he let it get go to hell from lack of care and maintenance.
There were other aspects to this person's personality, including one at least as strong and capable of dominance as the one that the world saw. She had self-respect, passion - for life & the people encountered on the journey. She had sit passively in the back corner. Patiently biding her time. Occasionally disapproving the behavior of "the guy" but seldom getting involved. The "guy" for his part, tried to not be a hypocrite or to deny her place in his soul. However lack of a lying rebuke is far from a loving embrace. Eventually it was clear to both that a change in priorities was in order. A management shakeup if you will. He would withdraw to the far corner, while she ascended to manage things.
It's a big difference in management style. She's outgoing and engaged. She smiles. She genuinely likes people and actually engages in amiable banter with total strangers - supermarket cashiers, bank tellers, traffic cops... she even walks up to befuddled tourists & offers to help - and they gladly accept! She should have taken over long ago. No use whining about missed opportunities. She's making the most of each moment. Overhauling & rehabing the long neglected domicile - eating better, exercising, practicing preventative maintenance (routine Dr visits vs frantic ER visits).
It's a long overdue change. Well, big "C" change made up of countless little "c" changes. The changes are still subtle and mostly internal. The only manifestation is that even though the world may still see the "guy"... the shell is dissolving. What's underneath is Her. It may take the world a long time to notice, but from the inside looking out, the change is apparent, more than welcome, and long, long, LONG overdue.
So. Am I "Sybil"? Is that a bad thing? And was using the third person confusing or disturbing? Frankly, it's all just me. It's always just been facets of the same stone. It just seemed that using the third person was an effective way to articulate it clearly.
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2 comments:
Hey there, it's Dee..
I was locking down my blog today to keep out the griefers and I don't have any idea what your email addy it to send you an invite. :(
if you want, send it to me at
signmeupplease@trashmail.net
and I'll add you to my list of approved members...
Thanks sis! :)
Dee..
Hi Heather.
I know this post is a month old, but it's still pertinent. I completely understand the multiple personality thing - in spades. My alter ego and I are about as similar as chalk and cheese. Our behavior, reactions, voice inflections, gestures, etc. are vastly different. Friends to whom I'm out have suggested that I meld the two into one. The result would be an androgynous person who would be at once both of us and neither of us. So I have accepted that I will live a dual existence. It's now a matter of who gets to surface when, rather like a married couple with only one car - only it's a male body we're sharing, and he's the breadwinner. So it's pretty obvious who gets priority.
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