Present, tense

I've been really lax about posting. Since I got off the meds that kept me up 20+ hours a day, I find I have much less time. :-P I also must admit that I'm much more interested in listening to what others have to say than speaking up myself. I'm a bad blogger. Let's all agree and move on.
This post isn't really about any inner soul searching on specifically gender related issues. It's really about trying to hold on for dear life in a world that's changing in sudden and drastic ways.
My original plan (yes, I sort of had one) was to get my personal affairs in order.. let the things in my life I no longer valued - the superficial male attributes, the public theater of my perceived identity... my mask - just atrophy, while I tried to sow & grow a new life out of the things that really mattered. The work and career aspects were to be a future phase. Circumstances mandate a change of plans. Like so many places recently, our workplace just underwent an upheaval which tore away many of my coworkers. This actually feels like a preamble to the real reality check which could well leave my workplace, and it's totally non-essential business niche completely expendable. So I'm now focusing on not just who I am, but where I can fit in to a drastically changed landscape. How I can offer value to the marketplace, keep a roof over my head, and in any spare time, continue my journey of personal growth.
My personal journey has been sublimated to the more fundamental necessities of food and shelter. I hope the fruits of this pain will be wisdom. Meanwhile, I just try to keep my wits, remain optimistic (since pessimism is self fulfilling) and try to navigate these tribulations, doing as much good as I can and avoiding doing anything harmful.